When 45% of the divorces in India are applied in the first year of marriage – it is now understood that there is a need to be extra sensible and sensitive in this phase.
Planning a successful wedding ceremony, is tough. We agree. The wedding day is tougher, with rituals, celebrations, love and nerves battling for the top spot. Here-on starts a beautiful new journey. How tough is the first year of a marriage? As humans, we strive to live our lives in milestones. Passing each by, crossing obstacles and with a sense of achievement as we move. Even for couples who have lived together and made clear decisions before they get married, the first year of officially being married can be tough.
Why is the 1st year so important?
The first 365 days of a marriage is crucial. Statistics state that 45% of the divorces in India are initiated in these very days. It’s that period when the partners warm up to the constant presence of the other in their lives. It’s an awkward and uncomfortable phase for many because it’s similar to weaning out of infancy and becoming a toddler. There is no evident recklessness as couples still try to maintain the thoughtfulness from the courtship period. They still speak softly, are extremely attentive and careful, to put it simply, both the partners are on their best behaviour. They are ready to go the extra mile to be good and kind to each other. In an ideal world this is great but the irony being, through this process they often end up setting expectations of an unrealistic version of their own selves.
Nothing changes overnight. Over a period of time, one or both the partners who has been trying a little too hard give up and return to normal. Please note that this ‘normal’ version may be great but because it simply differs from expectations, it can create unnecessary ripples.
What can a couple do?
The first step in combating a problem is to recognize that it exists. Psychologists often speak about some oft quoted issues by newly married couples.
This often occurs when one starts being identified as a married man or woman. This is a label that many don’t even realise that they aren’t comfortable with. They are:
A debt taken for the wedding, those huge credit card bills, the investment in stock market or even that weekend shopping binge or fancy date, these do not appear important before a marriage and often crop up in discussions later.
A different routine, more responsibilities and being together almost every day under the same roof can lead to a decrease in the dinner dates, night outs and other such activities. Even physical intimacy and sex, in many marriages are compromised during the first year.
The long texts and chats, the letters and e-mails or the overnight phone calls, they all go out of the window. We end up believing that living together is enough, talking not so much. That’s one of our biggest follies, maintain seamless communication is a deal breaker.
In India, living with families post marriage can be a boon or a bane. It’s dependent on what both the partners want and agree to. If the discussion is left unresolved, it can cause troubles.
The first 365 days come with their fair share of conflicts. There will always be conflicts on various levels, it’s about how to resolve them and that too, together. Pre-marital workshops are a great way to understand and predict the issues that may crop up in the first year. These workshops are tailor made and help in identifying, communicating and resolving problems with the help of coaches and experts.